Infidelity is one of the most painful crises a relationship can face, and it often destabilizes trust, security, and a couple’s sense of a shared future. Research shows, however, that an affair is not necessarily the end of a relationship — it can become the beginning of a deeper and more honest rebuild. Whether that happens depends on the path a couple chooses and the patience they are willing to give the process.
How Common Is Infidelity, and What Does It Do to a Couple’s Mental Health?
A study published in Family Process found that infidelity occurs in about 25% of marriages and is one of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce. [Needs further verification: this 25% figure is drawn from a U.S. population during the COVID-19 pandemic and may differ across other populations.] Infidelity is associated with increased depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress symptoms (PTSD) in the betrayed partner; financial loss, increased conflict, and even aggressive behaviors are also reported consequences.
Children of the couple may show internalizing signs such as anxiety or externalizing signs such as aggression, so an infidelity crisis is rarely about only two people — the emotional, practical, and family-level effects tend to appear at the same time.
For couples who have immigrated — for example, Iranian couples living in Toronto, Vancouver, Los Angeles, or Sydney — an added cultural layer complicates the crisis. Distance from extended family, who would normally provide support and mediation, can leave the couple managing the aftermath alone. Different host-culture norms around disclosure and privacy, along with fear of judgment from the Iranian community, can make the couple’s decision-making process harder. A confidential, neutral space for this conversation, separate from family or mutual friends, becomes more important in this context.
Emotional distance after the discovery of infidelity, before the work of rebuilding trust begins — Image: AI-generated / Nano Banana 2 via fal.ai
Why Are Some People More Prone to Infidelity? An Attachment and Freudian Perspective
A meta-analysis combining data from 17 studies and more than 13,600 participants, published in Heliyon, found that people with insecure attachment styles — particularly high anxiety or avoidance in relationships — are significantly more likely to engage in marital infidelity. Both “dismissive” and “fearful” attachment styles were associated with higher rates of infidelity, while no significant association was found between “preoccupied” attachment and infidelity.
Sigmund Freud used the concept of “repetition compulsion” to explain such patterns: the unconscious mind, without the person realizing it, tends to recreate childhood relational patterns and attachment wounds in adult relationships, even when those patterns are painful, because repetition is a failed attempt to master an unresolved past experience. This view does not excuse infidelity in any way — but it shows why anger or blame alone, without understanding the root pattern, often fails to change the relationship.
Does Couples Therapy Actually Work? What New Gottman Research Shows
A study published in 2026 in Psychotherapy Research examined 35 couples (70 individuals) who completed Gottman Method Couples Therapy (GMCT) following infidelity, using dyadic (actor-partner) statistical analysis so that each partner’s influence on the other could be measured. Both partners showed statistically significant improvement in trust, commitment, and relationship quality.
One finding was particularly interesting: the betraying partner’s baseline trust and commitment predicted the betrayed partner’s post-treatment trust improvement, meaning that one partner’s change influences both partners’ recovery. Repair attempts during conflict and reduced hostile communication improved in both partners at the same time. [Needs further verification: the sample size of 35 couples is relatively small and the study had no control group, so results should not be generalized to all couples.]
A couples-therapy session, where trust is rebuilt through a structured process — Image: AI-generated / Nano Banana 2 via fal.ai
When and How Should You Seek Professional Help?
Rebuilding trust is not a linear process. Some days feel like genuine progress, and other days the original wound reopens and the couple feels back at the beginning. The right time to see a couples therapist is usually when two-person conversations keep hitting a wall or turn into the same repeated fight without resolving anything. A trained therapist helps these conversations happen in a safe, non-judgmental space where both partners can speak without fear of being blamed.
In early couples-therapy sessions for infidelity, the immediate goal is usually not “deciding whether to stay together” — it is creating a safe space to tell the truth without the conversation becoming destructive. Many couples therapists consider gradual behavioral transparency — answering specific questions about what happened — more important than a general apology, because trust is rebuilt more through predictable behavior over time than through words alone.
Can a relationship really become healthy again after infidelity?
Yes; couples-therapy research, including the Gottman study covered above, shows that many couples experience meaningful improvement in trust and relationship satisfaction after structured treatment. The process takes time and mutual commitment, but it is not impossible.
How long does it take to rebuild trust?
The exact timeline differs for every couple and depends on the depth of the betrayal, the unfaithful partner’s honesty, and how quickly the emotional needs of the hurt partner are addressed. [Needs further verification: research literature does not clearly report a precise statistical timeframe for full trust restoration.]
Do you have to forgive completely for the relationship to continue?
Forgiveness is a personal choice, not a clinical requirement. A relationship can continue without complete forgiveness if behavioral trust and transparency are gradually rebuilt. What matters more than forgetting is the ability to talk about what happened without emotional collapse.
Why are some people more prone to infidelity than others?
Research shows that insecure attachment styles, particularly high anxiety or avoidance in relationships, are associated with a higher likelihood of infidelity. These roots usually trace back to childhood attachment experiences and can be worked through in couples therapy, and sometimes individual therapy as well.
The common narrative is that infidelity always means the end of a relationship — but the research says something different. With professional support and mutual commitment, many couples not only preserve the relationship, but reach a new level of honesty and closeness that did not exist before the crisis. This path is not easy, but it is not impossible either.
Looking for professional support with your relationship or mental health?
Coop Gordon, K., & Mitchell, E. A. (2020). Infidelity in the Time of COVID-19. Family Process, 59(3), 956–966. DOI: 10.1111/famp.12576 — PMID: 32621371
Ghiasi, N., Rasoal, D., Haseli, A., & Feli, R. (2023). The interplay of attachment styles and marital infidelity: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Heliyon, 10(1), e23261. DOI: 10.1016/j.heliyon.2023.e23261 — PMID: 38163207
Peluso, P. R., Irvine, T., & Marquez, A. (2026). Couples satisfaction, relationship status, and symptom change after Gottman method couples therapy for infidelity: A dyadic analysis. Psychotherapy Research. DOI: 10.1080/10503307.2026.2689634 — PMID: 42329190
Freud, S. (1920). Beyond the Pleasure Principle. In J. Strachey (Ed. & Trans.), The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud (Vol. 18). London: Hogarth Press.
