Sexual fantasies are a usual part of human sexual life, and the content of a fantasy alone does not tell you what it means; the person’s experience of it matters more.
A 2015 internet survey of 1,516 adults (799 women and 717 men) from the general population found that only 2 of 55 ranked fantasies were rare for women or men. What matters more than the scenario is how a person experiences it and how that experience affects satisfaction.
How common are sexual fantasies, and which ones are truly rare?
In a 2015 internet survey of 1,516 adults from the general population, 799 women and 717 men ranked 55 sexual fantasies. Only 2 fantasies were rare for women or men, and 9 others were unusual, so genuinely rare content is limited in this sample.
Sexual fantasy is a common, normal experience; AI-generated image.
The survey defined its terms statistically. A fantasy was counted as rare at 2.3 percent or less, unusual at 15.9 percent or less, common above 50 percent, and typical above 84.1 percent. Among the 1,516 adults surveyed, 30 fantasies were common for women, for men, or for both, and only 5 were typical; a qualitative analysis of participants’ written favorites confirmed the pattern.
These figures describe a self-report internet survey that used a volunteer sample, so they describe reported fantasy rather than behavior, and they do not generalize to what people do. Statistical rarity is a statement about frequency in a single sample, not a statement about health. The authors of the 2015 internet survey of 1,516 adults wrote that care should be taken before labeling a fantasy unusual, let alone deviant.
Does the content of a fantasy signal deviance?
A fantasy’s content does not by itself signal deviance. In the 2015 survey of 1,516 adults, 799 women and 717 men, submission and domination themes were common for both genders and significantly related to each other; the presence of a single submissive fantasy predicted overall scores for all fantasies in both genders. Rarity in a distribution is not pathology.
A fantasy can feel private and singular while its theme is widely shared. The 2015 survey of 1,516 adults found that submission and domination themes were common for both genders, and a 2020 study in Italy using a sexual fantasy checklist did not find the stereotyped pattern that men fantasize more about dominance and women more about passivity; differences between men and women matched earlier literature only partly.
In the psychoanalytic framework of Freud, a fantasy is a form of wish fulfilment in imagination; this theoretical framework is a hypothesis and these studies did not test it. The 2015 survey of 1,516 adults measured reported fantasy content and its statistical frequency, so it cannot show why a fantasy arose or what it means for the person who holds it.
What matters more about a fantasy than its content?
How a person experiences a fantasy matters more than the scenario. A 2024 study developing the Sexual Fantasy Experience Scale identified 5 subscales: playfulness, limitlessness, functionality, intrusiveness and shame. Beyond fantasy content and frequency, these subscales explained additional variance in sexual satisfaction.
Study 1 of that development work had 391 people, 240 women, 149 men and 2 other, and study 2 had 426 people, 255 women, 167 men and 4 other. Both studies were cross-sectional and self-report, so they show associations between the 5 subscales and sexual satisfaction rather than cause. The editorial position of Behckam.com is that the content of a fantasy alone is not the measure of health or deviance; the measure is how the person experiences it and what effect it has on satisfaction and the relationship.
Playfulness and functionality describe an experience a person can hold lightly, while intrusiveness and shame describe an experience that presses on the person. In clinical work, specialists often see that clients suffer less from the fantasy itself and more from shame and the effort to suppress it; this is a clinical impression, not a finding of these studies. Two people can report the same fantasy and differ in whether they find it playful or intrusive; the 2024 Sexual Fantasy Experience Scale subscales were designed to capture that difference in experience rather than content.
When does a fantasy call for a conversation with a professional?
A fantasy calls for a conversation with a professional when it is intrusive, shameful or distressing, or when it becomes tied to behavior that involves another person without that person’s consent. Content alone does not settle the question, and the Sexual Fantasy Experience Scale study supplies the shame and intrusiveness themes.
The studies described here point to effect rather than content as the thing to weigh; they did not set a clinical threshold. The distinguishing feature is the effect: distress, intrusive or shameful thoughts, or a fantasy that becomes a script for action toward someone who has not agreed to it.
In the 2015 internet survey of 1,516 adults from the general population, 30 of 55 ranked fantasies were common for women, for men, or for both, so having a sexual fantasy is statistically ordinary rather than exceptional.
Are dominance and submission fantasies rare?
In the 2015 survey of 1,516 adults, 799 women and 717 men, submission and domination themes were common for both genders and significantly related to each other, so these themes do not belong to the rare category.
Should you tell your partner about a fantasy?
[More research needed: these studies did not test telling a partner about a fantasy; any advice about it is a hypothesis.] Disclosure carries relational consequences that the studies described here did not measure.
Where is the line for concern about a fantasy?
The line is distress and effect rather than content: an intrusive, shameful or distressing fantasy, or one tied to behavior without the other person’s consent, warrants professional consultation. Content alone does not mark a fantasy as disordered.
Conclusion: With Fantasies, Measure the Effect, Not Just the Content
Across these studies, the content of a fantasy is a weak signal and the experience of it is a stronger one. The 2015 survey of 1,516 adults found that only 2 of 55 ranked fantasies were rare for women or men, while the 2024 scale showed that playfulness, limitlessness, functionality, intrusiveness and shame carried information beyond content. Attending to effect rather than content leaves more room for people to speak about fantasy without shame.
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Joyal CC, Cossette A, Lapierre V. What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? J Sex Med. 2015;12(2):328-340. PMID: 25359122. DOI: 10.1111/jsm.12734
Hasson R, Ginzburg K. The Development and Psychometric Evaluation of the Sexual Fantasy Experience Scale. Arch Sex Behav. 2024;53(3):1015-1030. PMID: 38263538. DOI: 10.1007/s10508-023-02794-1
Anzani A, Prunas A. Sexual Fantasy of Cisgender and Nonbinary Individuals: A Quantitative Study. J Sex Marital Ther. 2020;46(8):763-772. PMID: 32880516. DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2020.1814917
Image Credits: The featured and in-text images in this article are AI-generated (Google Gemini).
